While I don't claim to know what the actual statistics are on child abuse as linked to a parent with an addiction, I do know that the children of alcoholics and drug abusers do face a higher risk of abuse than children whose parents are not addicts. And I can tell you how this happened to me. Was I abused by a stranger? No. Not at all. My abuser was a family member....a person who had the ability to see me, a helpless little child, living in a world of chaos, with a Momma who did everything in her power to protect me from Daddy's drunken rages but couldn't always do so, and who could have actually helped me, but instead, piled more abuse on a little girl who needed a safe place to land. This family member was a nurse...a "helping" profession, yet all she ever did was harm me. From the time I was four or five years old, she would take me aside at every opportunity and tell me that I would never amount to anything. She would say, "You will never be successful. You'll never be happy. You'll never amount to anything, because your Daddy is a drunk and you have tainted blood." Over and over and over again. What kind of person does that to a child? I look at my precious five year old granddaughter and I cannot imagine anyone saying such words to her. Such an innocent baby....and so was I at that age. I remember this particular family member taking my older sister (who had a different biological father, but is still my whole sister because we don't do "halves" in my family) into her room and letting her have a bit of her new expensive perfume. When I asked if I could have some, I was told that girls with tainted blood didn't deserve fancy perfume. This relative had boys close to my age. Anytime we were together and the boys thought up naughty things to do, I was the one who was blamed. It took me until I was 45 years old to tell my Mom what this person had done and even then she had a hard time understanding because this was a person she trusted and loved. But children of addicts are easy targets. So often the addicted parent is drunk or stoned and the non-addicted parent is doing their very best to support the family, both financially and emotionally.
When I was a child I found out that this family member would be the one to raise me if something happened to my parents before I was an adult. I cannot begin to tell you how hard I prayed every single night that my parents would live forever. I would have much rather lived with my own sick, alcoholic father, than with a sober family member who was just cruel. There is a huge difference in being mean because you're sick and being mean because you enjoy having power over someone. I vowed from the time I was extremely young, that if something bad ever happened to my parents, I would run away and go live with my Daddy's sister, my Aunt Bobbie, who made me feel so very loved and cherished. Such a precious lady....I love her so much.
But, here's the deal. Although it took me years to convince my mom about what happened, she does now understand and having her validation has been so healing for me. I do not, nor have I ever, blamed my mom, because she had all she could handle and much more. How could she have known that someone she loved and trusted could be so abusive to her little girl? It's absolutely not my mom's fault, and it's not Daddy's fault either. This person is a grown, educated adult, who chose to be cruel instead of compassionate. And here is the result of this horrible, abusive family member's actions.....I have been married for almost 30 years to an amazing man, who is not only an excellent provider, but also an incredible husband, father, and grandfather. I have two extremely handsome and successful sons and two of the sweetest, most beautiful daughters-in-love anyone could ever ask for. I have sisters who are my closest friends, an adult niece whom I adore (and my Sonny!), grandchildren and a niece and nephew who will grow up being best friends. I have a Master's Degree (4.0 GPA) and I have had the privilege of working with and helping students with special needs for so many years. My life is busy, productive and rewarding. My point with this post is this....it does not matter what adversity you face. What matters is what you do to make your life better. My life is far from perfect.....but it is perfect for me. There are no excuses. Own your life! Be brave. Be successful, no matter who says you can't. You can move mountains, if you believe in yourself. Much love to you all!
When I was a child I found out that this family member would be the one to raise me if something happened to my parents before I was an adult. I cannot begin to tell you how hard I prayed every single night that my parents would live forever. I would have much rather lived with my own sick, alcoholic father, than with a sober family member who was just cruel. There is a huge difference in being mean because you're sick and being mean because you enjoy having power over someone. I vowed from the time I was extremely young, that if something bad ever happened to my parents, I would run away and go live with my Daddy's sister, my Aunt Bobbie, who made me feel so very loved and cherished. Such a precious lady....I love her so much.
But, here's the deal. Although it took me years to convince my mom about what happened, she does now understand and having her validation has been so healing for me. I do not, nor have I ever, blamed my mom, because she had all she could handle and much more. How could she have known that someone she loved and trusted could be so abusive to her little girl? It's absolutely not my mom's fault, and it's not Daddy's fault either. This person is a grown, educated adult, who chose to be cruel instead of compassionate. And here is the result of this horrible, abusive family member's actions.....I have been married for almost 30 years to an amazing man, who is not only an excellent provider, but also an incredible husband, father, and grandfather. I have two extremely handsome and successful sons and two of the sweetest, most beautiful daughters-in-love anyone could ever ask for. I have sisters who are my closest friends, an adult niece whom I adore (and my Sonny!), grandchildren and a niece and nephew who will grow up being best friends. I have a Master's Degree (4.0 GPA) and I have had the privilege of working with and helping students with special needs for so many years. My life is busy, productive and rewarding. My point with this post is this....it does not matter what adversity you face. What matters is what you do to make your life better. My life is far from perfect.....but it is perfect for me. There are no excuses. Own your life! Be brave. Be successful, no matter who says you can't. You can move mountains, if you believe in yourself. Much love to you all!