My mother divorced my Daddy in 1979, when I was 12 years old. My parents had spent a great deal of money that we really didn't have, to send him to Valley Hope Rehabilitation Center for 30 days. It was my mother's final effort to get him to quit drinking and preserve their 19 year marriage. It did not work. Daddy was sneaking out the entire time he was there, drinking all the while. He came home after 30 days and was drunk and violent by 6:00 on his first evening home. And shortly after that, my family was no more. In 1981, after going through another rehabilitation facility and participating in Alcoholics Anonoymous for several weeks, he wrote the following:
Finally the sun has risen.
The light has shone through the trees.
Where have I been? Oh God, where?
What have I missed?
Oh not so much,
Only the cries and needs of a growing child
Only old friends. But what and who are they?
They're only like me, only people,
only human beings...Yes, they are now,
But were they then?
What about full moons, close stars
and cool nights, soft rain, love and joy?
Where did they go?
Where, where are they?
What about the home I've lost?
The beautiful family that vanished?
The position of a lifetime tht faded
and gradually fell?
Oh they escaped the realm of a man
who had almost even lost his very soul.
But as I said in the beginning,
the fog has lifted.
The sun is out.
The pulsating world is out there.
And now I am on a high, a high
without a chemical.
You see, I am free, the cuffs are
off and the cell door is open.
Can I walk out?
Can I face this thing called Freedom?
Do I have what it takes?
Is it desire? A need for a dry high?
A need to be free? A need for a change?
Yes...all these and more.
There are people out there,
some new, some old and
they are waiting.
Especially children, relatives,
old friends, and maybe even new friends.
Are they stronger than me?
Was I cheated when I was born?
Does this world owe me something?
I really doubt any of these things.
Should I whine or cry or should I
just pray to help myself?
Theologists say there is no true
salvation on Earth.
But I can't completely agree.
For I feel what I feel
And I know what I see.
So let's enjoy this new freedom
Come savor it with me.