By Stormi......
“How would your life be different if…You stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about people you encounter? Let today be the day…You look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey.”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
There are many stories to write about my Dad, and one day I’ll write them all-hopefully on this blog. My Dad had many great phrases that I still think about in different situations. Sometimes I hear his voice in my head saying, “You can’t borrow yourself out of debt,” and “Always keep your awareness up.” But more and more I remember the following conversation. I remember telling him, my second year of college that I was going to move in with my boyfriend (the man who is now my husband). He wasn’t overly thrilled. In fact, he was very against it even though he loved my husband, even then, very much. He just didn’t approve. I responded to this with a typical, I’m 18 and I know everything response, “Who are you to tell me what’s inappropriate? Who are you, living the life that you have, to tell me what to do and how to live?” I thought this response would have made him come unglued, throwing his mistakes in his face. Maybe that’s what, in my anger, I hoped would happen. It didn’t. All he said was, “No matter what you decide, I love you.” I judged him, disrespected him and yet he still loved me. He wasn’t perfect, our relationship wasn’t perfect by any means but I always knew he loved me.
This is what’s forgotten when many people hear someone say, “My dad/mom/sister/brother/family member/friend is an alcoholic or addict.” It is forgotten in a cloud of judgment that the addict is a person. It is forgotten that although they are an addict they still love their family, that they are still people, with hearts and minds. It is forgotten that they have family and friends that love them too- no matter what.
In my life, I have had many, including my some of my own family, think less of me and judge me simply because of who my father was. I have had people that were supposed to love me treat me differently and straight up pretend they don’t know me simply because I am the daughter of an alcoholic. Simply because, even so, I still loved my Daddy-no matter what he did. I might have been angry, sad and had to make hard decisions about our relationship, but I never stopped loving him- I never stopped praying for him, I never stopped and will never stop reflecting on my relationship with him. And I know now, he always loved me-even though many times he didn’t know how to show me.
Others who judge, others who think they know better. We live in a world that passes judgment on things that they do not understand and most of the time they are living with some of the same secrets they are judging others for. I’m not saying that I’m never judgmental. We all do this-its human nature. It is however, how we see this and change this within ourselves that make us who we are.
As I get older and the more I think about the relationship with my dad, I am more self aware that I do judge, and pray and hope that my self awareness becomes even greater- and I am able to stop myself from saying cruel things and making quick judgments about others. It’s still a work in progress, one that will never end, but I hope to stop more often and think about the person and the story that lives within them.
I want to be the person for someone that others have been for me-including my dad. I want the people in my life to know that I love them- NO MATTER WHAT. I can honestly say no matter what decision I’ve made, including separating myself from my dad for his drinking, he always loved me. I hope and pray still, that although we were not in an ideal place in our relationship that he knows I loved him. As I watched the news this morning about young celebrities that have, “gone off the deep end” in their life choices and addiction I’ve realized every person needs this. Every person battling addiction (families included), battling choices made, battling everything that comes in life NEEDS to know there is someone they will be safe with.
Why are so many people living with addiction (either personally or someone they love) so afraid to talk about it? So cautious of letting someone know their secret? There are many reasons, but I also think that many times we are afraid of what others will say- how we will be judged. That’s why I appreciate and wholeheartedly support my sister’s idea for this website and admire others who have stood up to tell their stories. I’m not afraid anymore. I hope and pray that our stories, our insights will help others tell their secrets and know that there are at least two people in this world that will not judge you-no matter what your battle may be.
We all need to think about this. Let’s be that person for someone.
“How would your life be different if…You stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about people you encounter? Let today be the day…You look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey.”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
There are many stories to write about my Dad, and one day I’ll write them all-hopefully on this blog. My Dad had many great phrases that I still think about in different situations. Sometimes I hear his voice in my head saying, “You can’t borrow yourself out of debt,” and “Always keep your awareness up.” But more and more I remember the following conversation. I remember telling him, my second year of college that I was going to move in with my boyfriend (the man who is now my husband). He wasn’t overly thrilled. In fact, he was very against it even though he loved my husband, even then, very much. He just didn’t approve. I responded to this with a typical, I’m 18 and I know everything response, “Who are you to tell me what’s inappropriate? Who are you, living the life that you have, to tell me what to do and how to live?” I thought this response would have made him come unglued, throwing his mistakes in his face. Maybe that’s what, in my anger, I hoped would happen. It didn’t. All he said was, “No matter what you decide, I love you.” I judged him, disrespected him and yet he still loved me. He wasn’t perfect, our relationship wasn’t perfect by any means but I always knew he loved me.
This is what’s forgotten when many people hear someone say, “My dad/mom/sister/brother/family member/friend is an alcoholic or addict.” It is forgotten in a cloud of judgment that the addict is a person. It is forgotten that although they are an addict they still love their family, that they are still people, with hearts and minds. It is forgotten that they have family and friends that love them too- no matter what.
In my life, I have had many, including my some of my own family, think less of me and judge me simply because of who my father was. I have had people that were supposed to love me treat me differently and straight up pretend they don’t know me simply because I am the daughter of an alcoholic. Simply because, even so, I still loved my Daddy-no matter what he did. I might have been angry, sad and had to make hard decisions about our relationship, but I never stopped loving him- I never stopped praying for him, I never stopped and will never stop reflecting on my relationship with him. And I know now, he always loved me-even though many times he didn’t know how to show me.
Others who judge, others who think they know better. We live in a world that passes judgment on things that they do not understand and most of the time they are living with some of the same secrets they are judging others for. I’m not saying that I’m never judgmental. We all do this-its human nature. It is however, how we see this and change this within ourselves that make us who we are.
As I get older and the more I think about the relationship with my dad, I am more self aware that I do judge, and pray and hope that my self awareness becomes even greater- and I am able to stop myself from saying cruel things and making quick judgments about others. It’s still a work in progress, one that will never end, but I hope to stop more often and think about the person and the story that lives within them.
I want to be the person for someone that others have been for me-including my dad. I want the people in my life to know that I love them- NO MATTER WHAT. I can honestly say no matter what decision I’ve made, including separating myself from my dad for his drinking, he always loved me. I hope and pray still, that although we were not in an ideal place in our relationship that he knows I loved him. As I watched the news this morning about young celebrities that have, “gone off the deep end” in their life choices and addiction I’ve realized every person needs this. Every person battling addiction (families included), battling choices made, battling everything that comes in life NEEDS to know there is someone they will be safe with.
Why are so many people living with addiction (either personally or someone they love) so afraid to talk about it? So cautious of letting someone know their secret? There are many reasons, but I also think that many times we are afraid of what others will say- how we will be judged. That’s why I appreciate and wholeheartedly support my sister’s idea for this website and admire others who have stood up to tell their stories. I’m not afraid anymore. I hope and pray that our stories, our insights will help others tell their secrets and know that there are at least two people in this world that will not judge you-no matter what your battle may be.
We all need to think about this. Let’s be that person for someone.