Our daddy was a car freak. He loved cars almost as much as he loved women, and he treated the cars with much more respect. I distinctly remember that many of his cars had names (such as an old white Buick named "Pearl") and that he kept them all in immaculate condition. It didn't matter how much he was drinking at any particular time, you could guarantee that his cars would be well cared for because cars were his passion, second only to whiskey. The problem with being an alcoholic with an intense love of both automobiles and whiskey, is that together, the two are not a good combination and our Daddy knew that. Getting stopped for having an open container in the car made him very angry, but he wasn't willing to go anywhere without his booze.
And so one day, he decided to remedy that open container situation. Daddy always had creative ideas, especially when the idea met a need he felt he had, usually related to alcohol or money. That afternoon, my daddy removed the windshield washer reservoir and washed it out thoroughly. He then took the tubing that ran from the reservoir to the windshield and re-routed it, making it now come through underneath the dash of the car. He filled the reservoir with whiskey and replaced it back under the hood. Daddy then drove to the store and purchased himself a big stack of Dixie cups, which he carefully placed on the back floorboard, but still within his reach. As he drove down the highway, he would reach back, get a cup and place it underneath the dash where the tubes that had once squirted windshield washer solution had been placed. He would push the windshield washer button and a nice little stream of whiskey would flow right into his cup. Daddy would drink it down quickly, throw the cup out the window and nobody would ever be able to say that he had an open container in his car again. It was a brilliant idea, really, other than the fact that he was still driving around drunk. He never seemed to understand that was more of a problem than an open bottle of whiskey.
Daddy also used to take the small bottles of green Scope mouthwash and pour out half of the green liquid. He would then fill the bottle up with vodka (because it didn't smell and the green color from the mouthwash wasn't changed) and he would "freshen his breath" multiple times as he was driving. The old man had more bottles of mouthwash stashed in his cars over the years than I could ever count. To this day, I can't stand the smell of Scope.
One of the most ingenious stories I ever heard happened during the time shortly after my mother divorced Daddy in 1979. Daddy was living with a relative in Dallas. They had been drinking quite a bit and they had very little money, no groceries, and were low on alcohol. The way my dad always told this story, they believed they were starving to death. Personally, I kind of doubt that, but I think it made him feel less guilty about what they did. Anyway, they hatched a plan to get some cash. They went to an art supply store and with the last bit of their money, purchased a big package of parchment paper. They took it back to their apartment and carefully cut the paper into dollar bill sized rectangles. And then they hit the town. Daddy and his relative went to every carwash they could find in the Dallas metroplex. They would insert a piece of the parchment paper into the bill changer machine at the carwashes, and the machine would spit out quarters. Daddy said they got enough money that night to replenish both the refrigerator and the liquor cabinet and they still had some left over. He always laughed about how they paid for their food at the Tom Thumb store with handfuls of quarters.
Crazy old man of ours........
And so one day, he decided to remedy that open container situation. Daddy always had creative ideas, especially when the idea met a need he felt he had, usually related to alcohol or money. That afternoon, my daddy removed the windshield washer reservoir and washed it out thoroughly. He then took the tubing that ran from the reservoir to the windshield and re-routed it, making it now come through underneath the dash of the car. He filled the reservoir with whiskey and replaced it back under the hood. Daddy then drove to the store and purchased himself a big stack of Dixie cups, which he carefully placed on the back floorboard, but still within his reach. As he drove down the highway, he would reach back, get a cup and place it underneath the dash where the tubes that had once squirted windshield washer solution had been placed. He would push the windshield washer button and a nice little stream of whiskey would flow right into his cup. Daddy would drink it down quickly, throw the cup out the window and nobody would ever be able to say that he had an open container in his car again. It was a brilliant idea, really, other than the fact that he was still driving around drunk. He never seemed to understand that was more of a problem than an open bottle of whiskey.
Daddy also used to take the small bottles of green Scope mouthwash and pour out half of the green liquid. He would then fill the bottle up with vodka (because it didn't smell and the green color from the mouthwash wasn't changed) and he would "freshen his breath" multiple times as he was driving. The old man had more bottles of mouthwash stashed in his cars over the years than I could ever count. To this day, I can't stand the smell of Scope.
One of the most ingenious stories I ever heard happened during the time shortly after my mother divorced Daddy in 1979. Daddy was living with a relative in Dallas. They had been drinking quite a bit and they had very little money, no groceries, and were low on alcohol. The way my dad always told this story, they believed they were starving to death. Personally, I kind of doubt that, but I think it made him feel less guilty about what they did. Anyway, they hatched a plan to get some cash. They went to an art supply store and with the last bit of their money, purchased a big package of parchment paper. They took it back to their apartment and carefully cut the paper into dollar bill sized rectangles. And then they hit the town. Daddy and his relative went to every carwash they could find in the Dallas metroplex. They would insert a piece of the parchment paper into the bill changer machine at the carwashes, and the machine would spit out quarters. Daddy said they got enough money that night to replenish both the refrigerator and the liquor cabinet and they still had some left over. He always laughed about how they paid for their food at the Tom Thumb store with handfuls of quarters.
Crazy old man of ours........