By Whitney
I have had the privilege of spending quite a bit of time with my step-mother the past few months. Although she has Parkinson's and is in a nursing home, she is still such a vibrant lady with so much to offer the world. When I am with her, I don't see her as she currently is, but rather the way she was, so long ago, before illness ravaged her body. Her wit is still quick and when she laughs at something naughty, she is still every bit the woman she used to be. Karen is only 21 years older than me and even though we are close in age, she doesn't have any qualms about pulling the "mom" card on me. I love that about her. Sassiness will get you far in this world. Parkinson's is a wicked disease and robs so much from a person, but every time I am with Karen, the years and the disease seem to melt away and we laugh and cry and remember so many good times.
Daddy and Karen married shortly before I turned seventeen. At the time, I lived in Oklahoma and they lived in a suburb of Dallas. I had not seen Daddy since the balcony incident, but when I found out he was remarried and expecting a baby, I knew I had to meet his wife, if for no other reason than to make sure my baby sibling would be protected. And so I started going to Dallas whenever I could. I would drive down on the weekends, and while Daddy worked on Saturdays, Karen would treat me to lunch and shopping. I don't think there was an antique mall in Dallas that we didn't browse through together. Karen was always good to me, and in many ways, she is the reason I was able to reconcile with Daddy. I knew she would protect me to the best of her ability. And, in reality, over the years, we protected each other and became even closer. Karen would do sweet things, such as buying me special cookies and hiding them under the lettuce in the bottom of the refrigerator so her teen-aged son and Daddy would not find them. It was a little thing, but it made me feel special.
Daddy was still drinking at that time, but not as much as he had been, even the year before. Karen was good for Daddy and they truly loved each other. Before their first anniversary, in August of 1984, Karen gave birth to my precious baby sister and, for a while, things were wonderful. But, as it always happened, Daddy's sobriety did not last and by the time my sister was about 18 months old, he was drinking once more. I lived with them for a few months after I graduated from high school in 1985, and while there were good times, there were also many frightening times that I could no longer handle. My childhood trauma was still too fresh and I had not yet begun to deal with the ramifications of being raised in such a dysfunctional environment. I had no idea of what I should be feeling or doing. I was completely lost. At that time, Daddy was drinking, but not abusive, yet I just had too many memories of abuse at his hands and I knew I had to go home to Oklahoma at some point. In March of 1986 my older sister gave birth to a premature baby boy and I moved back to Oklahoma to help care for my three year old niece, so my sister and brother-in-law could visit my nephew at the hospital as often as possible. During this time, I stayed in constant contact with Karen and my little sister. Karen stood by Daddy for as long as she could, but, just as with my mom, the increasing abuse and broken promises were just too much. Karen knew that in order to protect my sister, she could not raise her in that environment any longer. She loved my Daddy, but she was a strong lady and she knew that leaving him would be the best for both her and my baby sister. But I don't think she and Daddy ever stopped loving one another.
Many years passed. After a very long time, Daddy and Karen began talking to each other by phone. By this time, Karen was in an advanced stage of her disease and was not at all well. Daddy was also in poor health from many decades of constantly drinking to excess. Despite living in different states, they reached out to one another and supported each other long distance. They had not seen each other in years, but the connection was still there. At the time of Daddy's death, five years ago last week, they were talking multiple times a day and had become extremely close again. I feel with all my heart that Daddy's death affected Karen more deeply than it did anyone else. We all were shocked, saddened, and in utter disbelief when he died, but Karen was absolutely shattered. I have only recently come to realize just how much his death affected her. She had lost her soulmate and her heart was broken. To this day, Daddy's picture is hanging in her room at the nursing home. She speaks of him often and we share some tears at times. But we also talk about the good times and she is happy when we remember how things used to be so long ago. There is even a new bluebird in the bird cage at her nursing home. She and I both find comfort in this. It is like, once again, he is letting us know that he is with us. He knows she loves him and he loves her. Karen has taught me that love never ends. Love continues across all circumstances, both good and bad. Love transcends time, even years after a loved one is gone. Karen is an inspiration to me and I love her. I am blessed to have her in my life. And I know, without a doubt, that my Daddy felt the same way.